Monday, August 28, 2006
Confessions of a reformed Nice Guy™
So I stumbled upon this post at Punkassblog and seeing all the hating on the fake not-nice nice guy I thought I would add my two cents. Because, you see, I used to be one, though my shyness restrained any assholery latent in my psyche.
What makes someone into a Nice Guy™? Sexual frustration combined with social inaptitude, and a lack of exposure to women. When you don't have any success with the opposite sex and don't spend enough time with women to get to know them as friends it is easy to "other" them and ascribe unknowable motivations to them (like wanting "jerks").
The solution? Probably time and experience are the only things that will necessarily work. I know that for me the really bad Nice Guy™ period ended with college, but the last bits of that mindset were eliminated when I get a female roommate (well... What the British would refer to as a "flatmate"). I had never gotten to know a woman (other than my mother, who doesn't count because you specifically go to lengths to not think of your parents as sexual creatures) as well as her, and so time with her dispelled any myths I had (especially the one that women aren't attracted to physical appearance. It's hard to see how someone could actually believe that and actually know women).
I still need to get past that shyness thing but that affects all my relationships not just my sexual ones.